Happy 6th Birthday My Doodle!
July 12, 2009 at 1:21 pm | In Toeses and Noses | Leave a CommentAnother year has passed my angel. You are growing so fast, way too fast for my liking. I hope you get everything your heart desires in this world as you grow. I know there will be disappointments along the way too, but hopefully nothing to difficult.
You, my Doodle, are the most beautiful girl and I am so proud of you. I’m sorry we couldn’t give you the party you wanted this year, but next year when Daddy’s feeling better we’ll make it up to you. I hope you have a good day anyway.
I can’t believe you’re six. The time has gone by soooo fast, too fast. You’ve done so much this year from graduating Kindergarten (!) to starting soccer, losing more teeth, growing a bunch, reading so well and being the best big sister ever! You’ve just grown better each and every day. I love you babes, Happy Birthday! Love Mommy.
My little graduate!
Lexy and her friend Maya, soccer stars!
That’s One Mystery Solved Anyway…
July 7, 2009 at 7:32 pm | In Caityisms, TV Season | 1 CommentTags: kids, Toddler, Toddler speak, Toddler Talk
For weeks now Caity has been running around the house singing (and I use the term loosely) the following:
“Chown Cown, Chown Cown. Here … Come”
“Chown Cown, Chown Cown … here. Come”
“Chown Cown, Chown Cown, here come!”
You have to remember, she’s just over two years old and remembering lyrics is not necessarily her strong suit.
For the life of me, I had no idea what she was talking about. I’d ask Lexy but at first she didn’t know what song it was. Finally last week she said “Oh Mom! I know what that song is! It’s the Town Clown song from The Big Comfy Couch“. Then she sang the proper lyrics to me:
“Town Clown, Town Clown, Let’s go see Town Clown”
Finally. Mystery solved. Alert the Press.
Where Will Life Take You?
July 3, 2009 at 3:54 pm | In All Things Doodle, Caityisms, Sisters | Leave a CommentTags: kids, Toddler speak, Toddler Talk
As I was driving the girls to daycare this morning, the girls (mainly Caity) were identifying the various types of vehicles on the road.
“School Bus!”, Caity said pointing to a Durham Region Transit bus. She thinks any bus is a School bus. She cried when I told her it was a regular bus because apparently I am mistaken.
Lexy saw a Cement Mixer and must have been thinking about our previous conversations about them. “Mom, if the Cement Truck has no cement, does it keep turning?” I told her they only turn when they have cement in them, to keep the mixture from hardening. She got quiet for a minute and I could hear the wheels in her brain turning.
“Mom? Can a girl drive a Cement Truck?” Lexy asked.
“Of course a girl can drive a Cement Truck Lex, a girl can do anything she wants to do”. I told her. In a way the question almost made me angry. The stereotypes that have kept women in the kitchen for too many years being echoed by a nearly six year old. It seems so early for her to wondering about things like jobs. She should only be concerned about what she’s going to play with today, not how to make a living. She is aware that all the adults she knows need to go to work every day. She’s told me before that she wants to be a vet when she grows up because she loves animals. Personally I think she’d make a better lawyer because she loves to argue, or a Project Manager because she likes to boss people around.
I told her though that she needs to make sure she gets a job in a union, so that she’ll always have a job.
Reading the papers and knowing so many people who are out of work, I fear for my kids’ futures. I just hope that they get a good education and go into a field that they love. I want them to be happy. I want them to be successful. And if all else fails, I hope they marry wealthy men.
A Pox on Both Your Houses…
June 29, 2009 at 3:59 pm | In All Things Doodle, Daddy-O, Family Ties | 2 CommentsTags: Chicke Pox, kids, Toddler Sick
Actually, in Romeo and Juliette, Mercutio said “A plague o’ both your houses” but it’s still appropriate. Today I’m thinking that someone must have wished a Pox upon my house because that’s what we’ve got … Chicken Pox. My doctor didn’t want to believe my self-diagnosis, but then this is the same man who didn’t put any of Alex’s clues together before it was too late. After consulting with a Paediatrician, he concluded that perhaps Lexy does, indeed, have Chicken Pox.
The reason he didn’t believe it was the pox is that she has an atypical case of them. No fever, no muscle ache, none of the other symptoms except the rash. The funny thing is that she had been vaccinated when she was about 15 months old for the Chicken Pox – the theory being that you don’t get them then… *sigh*
So now I have to keep little Miss Scratchy face from scratching herself raw. The past two nights she’s slept with socks on her hands and she’s played in an oatmeal bath.
I have to keep her from her Dad which is probably too late. I have to keep her from her sister which too is probably too late. Another week off of work. Good thing we have “unlimited” sick days. I seem to be spending them on everyone except me…
My throat is sore, my head hurts, I’m nauseated and I just want to crawl into bed until next Tuesday. Can’t though, have the kids to care for. I’ve been trying to teach the girls that it’s good to share, but I didn’t mean their germs …
It’s going to be a long week …
Alone.
June 28, 2009 at 11:45 pm | In All Things Doodle, Caityisms, Daddy-O, Family Ties, Miscellaneous Crap | 2 CommentsTags: CKD, grumpy toddler, kids, Toddler meltdown, Toddler Sick
Have you ever felt totally alone in a room full of people? That’s how it’s felt the past few weeks, at least to me. It hasn’t been easy, in fact it’s been very difficult just trying to cope. I need a break and I don’t see one coming any time soon. I scream at the kids lately for the smallest things. The worst part is when they look at me after I’ve ranted and I know they know that they didn’t deserve it. I don’t do it on purpose but it seems like it’s happening more frequently lately. I hope they don’t end up hating me because of it when they’re grown. I feel like crap but I have to keep going. I don’t have anyone to pick up the slack. I’ve had a headache for the past two days that finally broke earlier. It was so bad I couldn’t bend down to pick up Caity without my head feeling like it would explode. It was fun trying to do laundry earlier. We have so many clothes lying around, it’s driving me nuts.
Lexy is covered in spots. She has some sort of rash and I’m really hoping it’s not Chicken Pox. She had a few “blemishes” on her face last Thursday and she went to school like normal on Friday. Her school called me and asked if I knew about the spots and they said they suspected Measles or Chicken Pox. I told them that she had her vaccinations (all they had to do was look in her file, duh) and she had no fever. They let her back to her class when we presumed it to be an allergic reaction to something. Her chest was covered by then and she had a few on her arms as well. She hasn’t had a fever or any of the other signs of chicken pox, just spots. I’ve put her in the bath with some oatmeal to ease the itching and she’s been taking Benadryl as well. She’s currently covered in Calamine Lotion and has socks on her hands while she sleeps. Now I have to take her to the doctor’s tomorrow to see if she’s contagious before I can send her to daycare … and tomorrow’s another crazy day at work, I can’t afford to take it off.
Lexy had a school picnic the other day and there are grass allergies in the family, also I had changed fabric softener brands and both her and her Dad are sensitive to this particular type. Hopefully it’s one of those.
When Lexy was little she received the Chicken Pox vaccination – it was the first year the government would pay for it. They say that even with the vaccination, it’s possible to get a “mild” form of the disease. The other thing I was reading about when I was looking up rashes is that someone who has had Shingles can transmit Chicken Pox … Alex had Shingles back in April … hmmmm…. makes me itch just thinking about it. I have to keep them away from Alex because his immune system isn’t working as it should, it would be really bad if he got sick right now.
Lexy asked me yesterday if she would still be pretty with all those “bumps” on her face. I told her that she would be beautiful no matter what.
Caity was sick on Friday. She was asleep when I headed to the shower and when I turned the water off, I heard her yelling from her crib “Mom! I want OUT”. She says this on a normal basis, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. As I walked down the hallway, the smell hit me before I reached her door. I asked if she went “ka-ka” and she said no, then I realized she had been sick all over her crib, herself, the floor, her new bed (which is waiting for her to inhabit it) – puke was everywhere. I threw her into the bath and cleaned her up. She stayed home from Terri’s and developed a fever later in the day. I gave her some Gravol and Tylenol and she slept for four hours. She must have just picked up a stomach bug because she was better yesterday.
So it’s been a fun filled weekend. I saw my parents and brother and played with his new kittens.
I feel like screaming.
I don’t feel like I can shake this feeling and somehow I have to put this clown face on that shows the world nothing is wrong when I just want to run. I need a break. Tomorrow is soccer night, if Lexy’s not contagious. Alex is working nights so I have them all to myself 24/7 again. He needs to rest but he spends too much time on that damn computer downstairs so I don’t see him. When he wants to hide he goes downstairs, I have no place to escape.
So I sit here.
Like I always do.
Alone.
A Bit of Normalcy .. A Little Bit Anyway
June 18, 2009 at 6:19 pm | In All Things Doodle, Family Ties, Sisters | 2 CommentsTags: kids
Alex is back to work, sort of. I still think it’s too soon and he thinks it’s too hard on our bank account for him to not be at work …
On a side note, some of the kids in my sitter’s neighbourhood were going to Prom tonight. They were all dolled up and looking phat! or is it “fierce”? Whatever it is, they looked great. A stretch limo came to pick the group of them up just as I was getting the kids into the car.
Me: “Look Lex, there’s a limo.”
Lex: Observing the group of strangers. “Wow,” she said and stopped to think for a minute. “Mom? Is that the President?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. It was very funny. I certainly needed that.
Bargaining? Depression.
June 8, 2009 at 11:10 pm | In Daddy-O, Family Ties | Leave a CommentTags: CKD, IgA
I don’t think we hit ‘Bargaining’. I think we may have skipped right to ‘Depression’. We’ve had some talks, mostly at night when we’re both chasing sleep. I lie there listening to him snore and I start to think and then I lie there some more because I can’t shut my brain down. My thoughts range from ‘why did this happen to him’ to ‘now what do we do?’. We were on the couch last night after the kids went to bed, watching some T.V. show or movie or something, and I forget exactly what we were talking about but it was about his broken body. He asked me to ‘fix it’. I told him that I wished I could fix it. He looked at me sadly and said “me too.”
I’m fine at work until someone asks me how I am. My co-workers in the U.S. office, the ones that I work most closely with, have all heard at least a little bit of what’s going on and they all tell me that they are keeping my husband in their prayers. I’m not religious by any stretch of the imagination, but there is some comfort in knowing that people are thinking the best for someone they have never met. Just today I was on a conference call with my colleagues and they asked how he was doing. I said “the same”. I could hear the pity/concern across the phone lines. People at the office stop me in the corridor to ask how my husband is. Again I say, “the same”. What can I say? He needs a transplant. Period. I’m a Mom, I fix ‘boo-boo’s’ but I can’t fix him. I am powerless when I want to solve the problem. I am melting when I need to be strong. I look into his eyes and part of him, though not a big part, is actually hoping I can fix him. I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve this. Somehow we will get through this, we have to.
My Mother-in-law has been looking into transplants and how you get on the list. His best option is for someone closely related like a sibling. If this option won’t work, there is another option – I think it’s some sort of a swap program, where you donate an organ to someone at the top of the list and the next matching kidney that comes up gets donated to him. It’s complicated and confusing, but I told him last night it’s something I’d do for him. He’s scared about the drugs he would have to take for the rest of his life, or the rest of his new kidney’s life. It would make him susceptible to every little bug out there. I said to him that it’s a better life than living with dialysis.
Maybe I did hit ‘Bargaining’. I’ll help someone else, if they’ll help him…
Maybe I can fix him after all…
Salt.
June 2, 2009 at 8:00 pm | In Daddy-O, Family Ties | 3 CommentsTags: CKD, IgA, Kidney Failure, Salt, Sodium
Have you ever thought about how much salt is in something you eat, or drink? I hadn’t really thought about this before this past week. It had crossed my mind at times when I’d see my hubby pouring the salt on his already salty fries and asking him to stop because of his high blood pressure. I’d get a guffaw and a smart ass remark along with some eye rolling. Now we seem to watch for it every day.
Since Alex’s diagnosis, we’ve been on the watch for the culprit in everything. He doesn’t eat out anymore because most foods are laden with salt, potassium and phosphorus – the three no-nos for failed kidneys. The hospital gave us a lot of material which lists items he can eat and which ones he must stay away from. Who knew his beloved Coca-Cola would end up on the ‘do not drink’ list? It’s high in Phosphorus apparently.
Here’s some fast food sodium facts (see if this doesn’t scare you into eating a little more healthy) – remember for an average person aged 9-50, the recommended daily limit is 1,500 mg:
KFC:
- French Fries (Mega Sized) = 1,000 mg sodium
- Big Crunch Sandwich = 1,820 mg sodium
- Popcorn Chicken = 1,290 mg sodium
- Poutine = 2,610 mg sodium!! That’s almost two days worth of salt in one small side dish!!
McDonald’s:
- Big Mac = 1,020 mg sodium
- Cheeseburger = 750 mg sodium
- Quarter Pounder with Cheese = 1,110 mg sodium
- Large fries = 430 mg sodium
- 10 McNuggets = 1,120 mg sodium
- Egg McMuffin (without sausage) = 760 mg sodium
Wendy’s:
- Chicken BLT Salad = 1,210 mg sodium
- Large Chili = 1,240 mg sodium
- Baconator (Alex’s favourite) = 1,880 mg sodium
- Triple with everything (YUCK!) = 2,010 mg sodium
Harvey’s:
- Angus Burger with Bacon and Cheese = 1,390 mg sodium
- Original Cheeseburger = 1,130 mg sodium
This list doesn’t even touch saturated fat, trans fat or cholesterol … makes your head spin, doesn’t it? So, if you were to strictly follow the 1,500 mg a day recommend intake of sodium, you could eat any one of the above (except for KFC’s Poutine, Big Crunch or Wendy’s Baconator or Triple with everything) … and that’s it. Nothing else. Zip. Nada. Nichts.
Just about everything in the grocery store that we normally would buy is high in sodium too. We have a lot of learning to do, a lot of label reading. In the end it will be better for both of us, and our children if we can master this. We have to. We have no choice, my husband has IgA.
Anger.
May 30, 2009 at 2:45 pm | In Daddy-O, Family Ties, The Crap that Men Do | Leave a CommentI think we’ve moved to the second stage of grief, Anger. Yesterday was a difficult day, the first of a very big adjustment. Little things would set us off, like the magnetic clip I have on the refrigerator – I put another receipt in it and all the others fell out. I got angry at that. Earlier this week when it was cold, I put an extra blanket on the bed to keep me warm when I eventually could sleep. Alex came to bed last night and yelled “why’d you put this on the bed??” – I’m thinking, why do you think I’d put a blanket on the bed?? He acted as though I threw a can of paint on the sheets. He yelled at the cat this morning when he coughed up a hairball – “Why are you throwing up!!??” like the cat could answer him or was doing it on purpose …
I just want to curl up in a ball and wake up when this gets better. I’m coping the best that I can and I know it’s definitely not easy on him. He still doesn’t look well. The days that he is scheduled for dialysis seem to be the hardest on his body. He feels better after though, so it’s obviously doing what it’s supposed to do.
I went to get my hair done today. I’ve had this scheduled for a while and I needed some normalcy. When I got there, the lady who cuts my hair came over and gave me a big hug. Immediately I teared up. I asked if she heard about my week and she nodded, my Mother-in-law was there a few days earlier and filled her in, we share the same stylist. It’s nice to see that we have friends in the most unlikely places.
I need to keep going for him and the kids. I try not to fall apart in front of them but it’s not easy. I’m trying to be strong and supportive. It’s hard. It will get harder before it gets easier. I hope for the best, my boy deserves it.
Denial.
May 28, 2009 at 11:00 pm | In Daddy-O, Family Ties | 1 CommentMy heart stopped today. Not literally, but figuratively. My sweet boy is in end-stage renal failure. I couldn’t take in the words when he told me. I just missed the doctor, but as soon as I entered my Husband’s room and I saw his face, I knew it wasn’t good. He has IgA Nephropathy, a disease that has caused his kidneys to stop functioning. He has less than 1/3 kidney function left and they won’t get better. Of the twelve or so biopsy samples they took from his one kidney, eight were scarred and the others were showing signs of pre-scarring. IgA pretty much happens when you get a cold and your body sends these IgA Antibodies out to fight the infection, however they seem to think the kidneys are a threat as well and proceed to destroy those too. It is characterized by these symptoms: blood in the urine, nausea, fatigue, vomiting, high blood pressure. He’s had all of them. The only good thing is that it doesn’t affect other organs.
IgA is a silent disease that sneaks up on you over the years. According to the articles I’ve read tonight, it can take 10-20 years to finally cause any symptoms that you can feel. It’s a progressive disease. It sucks. He will have to be on dialysis for the rest. of. his. life. Right now he’s on Hemodialysis – this is the kind that you would probably picture in your mind if you were thinking of it. They hook you up to a bunch of tubes and a big machine they call the “washing machine” and clean your blood, taking the place of a proper, healthy kidney. He’s a candidate for Peritoneal Dialysis where they stick a tube in your belly and fill it full of liquids that draw out the poisons in your blood. The only good thing about this version is that you can do dialysis at home and only need to go to the Hospital once every six weeks or so, instead of every other day – not convenient when you have wee ones running around the house, or want to work for that matter.
Work. That’s the million dollar question. He has a very good union job, something I’ve been grateful of for the past few years while the economy has sucked. Alex seems to think that he’s going back to work soon. I think he should take it easy for a few days at least and give his poor body a break, after all he’s only been out of ICU for four days … I don’t think it’s too much to ask. If he goes on Peritoneal Dialysis, he will be able to do most things he could do pre-trauma. If he stays on Hemodialysis, it will be much more difficult. We will do what we have to do to get through this.
A major pro of Peritoneal Dialysis is that he doesn’t have to watch his diet as religiously as he would with Hemodialysis. With Hemodialysis, because he’s not doing dialysis every day, it’s very important to be extra cautious with his diet – to control the potassium, sodium and phosphorous levels.
He has another option. A transplant. While this may seem to be the best choice, we need a compatible donor and there is a chance that the IgA may come back and kill off that kidney too … there’s a lot of thinking to do.
I’m bringing the girls to see him tomorrow. He hasn’t seen them in eight days. That’s the longest they’ve been apart and they miss each other. Lexy and Caity drew him beautiful pictures for his hospital room – kids think in the most simplest terms, a hand-drawn picture will cure anything … if only …
I did ask the Social Worker who came by to see how ‘well’ we were coping today, if she thought this disease was Warcraft related … Alex rolled his eyes at me. I wouldn’t be surprised…
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