…And Bells on Her Toes

My Daughter, My Donut.

“Mummy, why are you so sad?”, Caity said to me Sunday morning.

“I’m sad because your birthday is tomorrow and you won’t be four anymore.  Mom’s not dealing with it very well…”

“I’ll still be your baby though Mummy.  I’ll always be your baby, but I’m getting too big for you to pick me up….”

“Yes baby…”, she cuddles into me, wrapping her entire four-year old little body around me, finding the very best place to snuggle, as always.

Caity flashed me that most beautiful smile of hers, the one that always tugs at my heart because she saves it just for me.  It’s the smile that says “I love you Mummy”, it’s the one that no matter what a shitty day I’ve had at work, always manages to cheer me up.

I can’t believe it’s your Birthday already, again.  So soon. Too soon. I’m so not ready for you to grow up.  You’re in Kindergarten this year and loving it.  You’re learning to read and already know so many words, just as smart as your Sister.  Your enthusiasm to try something new or something that you love to do is infectious, though sometimes you’re very shy to try something new.  It’s cute when something overwhelms you and you feel the need to attach yourself to my right leg and stare up at me with those big blue eyes, waiting for me to tell you it’s OK.

Sometimes you’re so brave. So much braver than a little kid should be, so much braver than your Mother ever could be.  You have unbelievable strength when you’re sick, just about the time I start falling apart, sensing that one of us needs to be strong.  You’ve had to endure so much for someone so young “Mummy, when are the coughs going to stop?”. I wish I had the answer little one.

You have your life ahead of you, one I can’t wait to see.  I will be there to hold your hand, as much as I can when you need me to, though most of the time I think I’ll need you to hold mine.

I love you, my Donut.  Happy Fifth Birthday.