July 12, 2017 at 4:38 am | Posted in All Things Doodle, Birthdays, Family Ties | Leave a comment
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Happy Birthday to my biggest-little one on her 14th Birthday. ¬†Love you more than words can say ūüôā


My Daughter, My Donut.

February 6, 2012 at 1:35 am | Posted in Caityisms, Family Ties, My Kid is a Donut, Sisters, Toeses and Noses | Leave a comment
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“Mummy, why are you so sad?”, Caity said to me Sunday morning.

“I’m sad because your birthday is tomorrow and you won’t be four anymore. ¬†Mom’s not dealing with it very well…”

“I’ll still be your baby though Mummy. ¬†I’ll always be your baby, but I’m getting too big for you to pick me up….”

“Yes baby…”, she cuddles into me, wrapping her entire four-year old little body around me, finding the very best place to snuggle, as always.

Caity flashed me that most beautiful smile of hers, the one that always tugs at my heart because she saves it just for me. ¬†It’s the smile that says “I love you Mummy”, it’s the one that no matter what a shitty day I’ve had at work, always manages¬†to cheer me up.

I can’t believe it’s your Birthday already, again. ¬†So soon. Too soon. I’m so not ready for you to grow up. ¬†You’re in Kindergarten this year and loving it. ¬†You’re learning to read and already know so many words, just as smart as your Sister. ¬†Your enthusiasm to try something new or something that you love to do is infectious, though sometimes you’re very shy to try something new. ¬†It’s cute when something overwhelms you and you feel the need to attach yourself to my right leg and stare up at me with those big blue eyes, waiting for me to tell you it’s OK.

Sometimes you’re so brave. So much braver than a little kid should be, so much braver than your Mother ever could be. ¬†You have unbelievable strength when you’re sick, just about the time I start falling apart, sensing that one of us needs to be strong. ¬†You’ve had to endure so much for someone so young “Mummy, when are the coughs going to stop?”. I wish I had the answer little one.

You have your life ahead of you, one I can’t wait to see. ¬†I will be there to hold your hand, as much as I can when you need me to, though most of the time I think I’ll need you to hold mine.

I love you, my Donut. ¬†Happy Fifth Birthday. ūüôā

This Would be Easier on an iPad…

November 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm | Posted in Caityisms, CKD, Daddy-O, Family Ties, Kidney Disease, Miscellaneous Crap, My Kid is a Donut, Sisters, Toeses and Noses | Leave a comment
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I don’t even know where to begin with this post. I’m beginning to think that I need to purchase a timeshare parking space near the Hospital, because that’s where I’ve spent so much, too much, time lately.

Last Monday I thought I pulled a muscle in my back. Last Thursday, I was cold at work. I’m NEVER cold at work. I wear t-shirts and I’m still warm. Last Saturday the fever peaked at 102 and my side was aching. I went to the Doctors and they told me that I had another Kidney infection. Frack.

I missed taking my kids for Trick or Treating on Monday for the first time, ever. I was almost too sick to hand out the treats.

Tuesday after dinner Caity said she ate too much. Ok. She went to bed and from the time she lay down she started crying. Hard. Cait’s been known to pitch a fit when she doesn’t want to do something and I attributed her crying to that. I yelled up the stairs for her to be quiet, and she said “Mommy, my tummy REALLY hurtsssss.”

We went through the usual questions, do you have to go to the bathroom? Nooooo. Do you think you’re going to be sick? Nooooo. Where does it hurt? Heeeerrrrreee (pointing to the space on the right of her belly button). I tried lying with her, thinking she had indigestion an rubbed her back. She kept yelling at me that she hurt and continued crying hard. My gut told me there was something going on.

I brought her downstairs with me and told Alex that we’d probably need to go to Emerg. He didn’t think it was that bad. Then she started throwing up. Then the fever started. Then the moaning started. And the screaming. Around 10 he took her in.

The Emerg Doctor said it was probably a virus but ordered an Ultrasound just in case.

They needed a Urine sample so Alex took her to the bathroom and told her she needed to pee in a cup.

Caity tilted her head and looked at her Dad incredulously. “Seriously??”

Alex laughed and said, “yes.”

She was still a little confused, “They’re not going to make me drink it, are they??”

The Emerg Doctor said she probably had a virus, but scheduled an ultrasound for the morning. They got home around 1 am. I got about 2 hours sleep. I think.

I took Cait for the ultrasound on Wednesday. I was standing behind the Tech and could see everything, not that I knew much of what was on the screen.¬† We waited for the results and the ER Doctor wanted a Urology consult.¬† He said Caity had two Stones, one in her bladder, one by her right Kidney causing it to back up.¬† She was pale, she was tired all the time, she was obviously very sick.¬† She was so sick that she didn’t make a fuss at the hospital. She sat quietly and even napped. This is a kid who went through two boughts of Pneumonia and stunned the doctors that all she wanted to do was play.¬† She broke my heart several times that night.

They told us to go to Sick Kids.

Alex left work and we went down to the Sick Kids Emergency.¬† We spent about 4 hours in the waiting room after being told we were third in line.¬† Kids were running around, Parents not parenting.¬† Caity lying in my lap, unwanting¬†or unable¬†to move, sleeping.¬† We get a room and a while later another ultrasound.¬† This time they can’t find the stones, but they can see evidence of where they were – the path they took was inflamed, dilated, sore.¬† The Radiologist¬†suggested another scan be performed in the morning to verify his findings.¬† I made Alex go home, unwilling as he was to leave his family – his daughter so vulnerable, his Wife a mess.¬† There wasn’t room for the three of us to sleep there and one of us needed a decent sleep.¬† There was also the issue of our cat, Mavvy’s Diabetes.¬† He had missed one of his shots already, and shouldn’t miss another.¬† He drove home around 2 am.¬† I rolled around on the reclining chair, unable to get comfy and I think I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.

The Doctors at Sick Kids are amazing.  They treat their patients like children, not little Adults.

After a heartwrenching night filled with little kids screaming and crying from pain, the next morning we waited and waited and waited and waited for an ultrasound.¬† Caity was so hungry and wasn’t allowed to eat, but anytime anyone with a uniform came into our room she immediately asked for some chocolate cookies and chocolate milk.¬† She was feeling better but her side still hurt.¬† We finally had the last ultrasound and it confirmed that the stones were gone but revealed something else – possible Appendicitis.¬† Great.¬† Does this kid have to go through anything more than she has already had to deal with?

After a consult with a really cute Surgical Resident and his Attending, they determined that Caity was no longer in any immediate danger and she could be released.

We came home last night, tired … beyond tired.¬† One of the Doctors said we must have been exhausted … I told him, yesterday we were exhausted…

Today I sent Caity to Daycare only, so she could have a calmer day to relax.¬† Ha.¬† She was Queen of the Daycare and ordered the other two kids around.¬† When I picked the girls’ up, they were at the Park running around.¬† It’s amazing, a child’s ability to bounce back from an illness.¬† If you saw her now, you’d never believe she was so sick just two days ago.

I finally feel like I can breathe again.  My child is safe.  This weekend is all about cuddles with the girls and relaxing.  We all need it.  We may even go to the movies.

Spelling Test

April 25, 2011 at 10:36 pm | Posted in Caityisms, Family Ties, Sisters | Leave a comment
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Caity, my four-year old makes me laugh all the time.¬† Her big thing right now is that she’s a big girl.¬† Don’t you dare call her a little girl, or you’ll hear about it.¬† She can’t spell yet, other than her name, but she does know her alphabet.¬† Not necessarily in the correct¬†order though.¬†¬†If you ask her to sing the Alphabet song you’ll end up with something like this “…h-i-j-k-elemental-p.¬† q-r-s-t-u-b.¬† w-x-y and c.”

She has a travel pillow in the car that has the word “Canada” stitched on it and she tells me, frequently that she can spell “Canada”.¬† “C-a-m-a-d-a… is that right Mommy?”¬† Tonight on the way home from Daycare, Caity treated me to a spelling bee.¬† “Mommy, I can spell ‘Car’!”¬† “G-r-x-c-y-l-l-o-p-e-r-t!”

“Very good.”

“I can spell ‘toilet’ too!”

“OK, go ahead”

Very slowly and deliberately she spells: “g-r-d-a-r-s-s-s-x-h-y-h-f-e-e-e-flower-t-s-r-r-a-h-j-dot-dot-flower um…”

“Um Cait?”

“What Mommy?

“You don’t put a “flower” in the middle of a word.¬† It’s not a letter.”


“Neither is ‘Dot’,” I said.


Lexy chimes in, “Caity, ‘Toilet’ is spelled:¬† T-o-i-l-e-t….”

“That’s what I said….”¬† It’s so hard not to laugh at her.

*Sigh*¬† Her Teachers are going to have their hands full, that’s for sure.


February 5, 2011 at 10:59 pm | Posted in Caityisms | 1 Comment
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Tomorrow is Caity’s fourth birthday.¬† I put her to bed tonight and as I took off her socks, I told her I needed to bite those three-year old toes one more time – of course she put up a fight and told me that today was NOT Toes Day Mommy!!

She’s registered for Kindergarten already. She knows that she is one-two-free-four years old tomorrow.¬† Tomorrow is her special day she tells me, tomorrow my littlest one is less little yet again.¬† She’s still loves to cuddle up to Mom and watch when I kill Zombies on my¬†iPod or watch a movie with me.¬† She’ll fight with her sister for that coveted spot next t me on the couch.¬† She drives us all crazy, especially her Sister who says that Caity “always gets her way”.

I’m tired, it’s been a very long week.¬† I’ve pulled in 17 hours of overtime and I’m struggling to stay awake, so I think I’ll go to bed now and write again tomorrow.

Caity used to say “it’s mines” whenever she referred to something of hers.¬† “Mommy, that’s mines!” she’d tell me if I tried to take something.¬† I miss her saying it and still try to coax it out of her every now and again.¬† Well Caity, you are and always will be, mines.¬† Love you baby girl.

I’m Done

July 18, 2010 at 10:03 am | Posted in Family Ties, Miscellaneous Crap | Leave a comment
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My clock has been ticking for years, with a booming in my ears that has become louder as each year progresses.¬† I see a newborn and my ovaries ache.¬† There¬†were two baby bumps (one recently delivered) at the office this year, and they’ve had to endure my hands attacking the bump, feeling the energy from the pre-born baby.

I’ve always wanted three babies, ever since I could remember.¬† I’ve had two, beautiful, wonderful, intelligent girls and I wouldn’t trade them¬†for the world. ¬†I’m very happy with that.¬† A big part of me is¬†sad¬†because¬†I know there will be no more, especially because I want another one so badly.¬† I realize I’m different from a lot of women out there who had two and felt their duty was done and wanted no more of it.¬† I could never understand how one could not want to go through that again.¬† I’ve always wanted as many children as I could afford.¬†

Every now and again reality sinks in and I come to grips with the fact that we have no room for a third child in our house; our cars will not accommodate a third child seat; I’m nearly 43 and it’s not a good age to start again; we’re not sure what condition Alex’s swimmers are in considering all the toxins he has to put in his body on a daily basis.¬† The odds just aren’t there.¬† Looks like I’ll have to wait a while for Grandchildren.

My SIL Steph¬†is expecting her first child, a boy they’ve named Austin, in August.¬† Her shower is next weekend and she has quite the bump.¬† She’s glowing.¬† We’re waiting in eager anticipation for baby Austin’s arrival.¬† Poor Steph has had the worst Summer to go through but she’s in the final stretch.¬† I know my heart will ache the first time I hold him, but it will be the ache of love you feel the first time you hold a wee one in your arms.

With my luck, he’ll pee all over me …

A Very Merry Un-Birthday to Me

April 29, 2010 at 5:26 pm | Posted in Daddy-O, Family Ties, Kidney Disease, Miscellaneous Crap, Sisters, The Crap that Men Do, Toeses and Noses, Transplant | 1 Comment
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Actually, it’s my Blogiversary today… I’ve been part for the wordpress blog community for the past two years and it’s been an interesting journey to say the least.

I initially started blogging to record the amusing and cute things my kids did on a daily basis that I know I’d forget if I didn’t write it down.

I’ve vented about my husband’s obsession with monsters and aliens and weird cow like creatures and really big chickens.

I’ve vented about my lack of sleep and lack of privacy when it comes to having kids and cats.

I’ve cried about my husband’s illness, the diagnosis, the interim treatment and the long term solution.¬† I’ve written about heros and miracles.

I’ve questioned other’s judgement, I’ve certainly offered my opinion more than once.¬† I’ve reviewed tv shows and movies.¬† I’ve linked to others’ sites and they have linked to mine.

I’ve teased my Mother-in-Law so much that I’m not allowed to do it in writing anymore (well not that she knows of anyway) and have started on my¬†Step Mother-in-Law. ¬†I’ve posted dozens of pictures of my kids.¬† My wonderful, intelligent, beautiful kids.

This place has been a great source of therapy.  I have some regular followers, mostly lurkers, but there are some who leave a comment or two and I like that.

I don’t know where or when it will end, but I’m enjoying the ride getting there.

Thanks for visiting, I’ve enjoyed having you with me.¬† Thank you for all the words of encouragement and support, it’s meant a lot.¬† Until next time …

Another Thing to Look Out For…

April 18, 2010 at 4:09 pm | Posted in Caityisms, Miscellaneous Crap | Leave a comment
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Cait’s allergic to Sesame Seeds.¬† We discovered this as she was eating her Sesame¬†Seed bagel with Cream Cheese from Tim Horton’s at lunch today.¬† Her eyes started to itch and water.¬† She rubbed them.¬† This made it worse.¬† Not only was her eyelid swollen and red, but there was a blister on her eyeball … seriously.¬† Ewww.

I gave her some Benadryl and took her to the Hospital.  By the time the Doctor saw us, the worst of it was over, but she still has this gooey thing on her eyeball.  The Doctor said that because of the time that had passed (about 3 hours since it started), the worst was over.  The Benadryl probably stopped other symptoms.

We played “Eye Spy” while waiting¬†for the Doctor.¬† Caity decided she was the Doctor and had to put all kinds of bandages on my arm.¬† Then she kept telling me it would hurt as she took it off.¬† I asked her if I could have a kissy because it ‘hurts’, she said “NO!¬† Doctor’s don’t kissy!”.¬† She had a point.¬† She got to the point where she stopped listening and was getting very bored, despite covering me in bandages.¬† Luckily that’s when the Doctor showed up.

She was most upset to find out that she wouldn’t get a lollipop for being a good girl like at the Doctor’s office.

I should have known better.¬† I don’t know why I didn’t think about this before.¬† She had a similar reaction to a same kind of bagel before, that time she had swollen eyes and hives.¬†¬†The next day she looked like she was beaten.¬† I’m sure the same will happen tomorrow.

Poor kid.¬† At least she’s better now.

Cait’s Missing Link

April 10, 2010 at 9:43 pm | Posted in Caityisms, Family Ties, Toeses and Noses | Leave a comment
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I think about weird things when I’m trying to sleep.¬† Sometimes ideas just pop into my head for no apparent reason and I usually forget them by the time I wake up in the morning.¬† The other night I was lying in bed, once again chasing sleep, and a thought popped into my head that was so vivid and vocal it was almost as if someone was in the room speaking to me.¬† Almost an Epiphany.¬† Could Caity’s Asthma have been caused by the fact that she suffered from¬†neonatal meconium aspiration syndrome at birth?

I’ve written about Caity’s health issues many times before, specifically about her developing Exercise Induced Asthma after her first birthday.¬† I figured it was genetic as it’s the same form of Asthma that I have and it runs on both sides of the family.

When Caity was born, she inhaled Meconium and they had to suction it out of her lungs before they would let her cry.  This could have very easily cost Caity her life and would have left a large void in mine.

I’m not sure what made me think of it, but I did some surfing tonight and it seems as though my theory is proven.

Seven of the 18 had recurrent cough and wheezing compatible with a diagnosis of asthma, and five of these had appreciable exercise induced bronchospasm¬†that responded to treatment with bronchodilators ‚Äď Pulmonary function in children after neonatal meconium¬†aspiration syndrome.¬† P.I. Macfarlane¬†and D.P. Heaf.

That describes Caity to a ‘T’.

We found a much higher prevalence of asthmatic symptoms and abnormal bronchial reactivity among survivors of neonatal meconium¬†aspiration syndrome than in the general childhood population. Aspiration of meconium¬†may have long term consequences for the developing respiratory tract and is associated with abnormal respiratory function in later childhood.¬†‚Äď Pulmonary function in children after neonatal meconium¬†aspiration syndrome.¬† P.I. Macfarlane¬†and D.P. Heaf.

This scares me a bit and I hope it’s not going to be the case for Cait.¬† She’s had a lot of flare ups over the Winter and this past week when the rain started, I had to take her to the clinic because she started coughing which sounded more like a Seal barking.¬† The Doctor said it was Croup, which I should have recognized as I’ve seen it before.¬† By the time I got her to the Doctor’s, the inhaler had already kicked in and she was out of the attack.¬† The Doctor told me that if she ever has this again and she starts gasping for breath to take her immediately to the hospital.¬† He said that was called¬†“Stridor” and was very serious.¬† Great, another thing to worry about.¬† He put her on a steroid puffer again for two weeks and she takes this and her regular one.¬†¬† She’s pretty funny when she’s on a Ventolin¬†high, she practically bounces off the walls.¬† Ventolin is known to make kids hyperactive.

She’s doing much better now, back to normal – fighting with her Sister, getting into mischief, being impossibly cute.

I don’t think I’ll sell her … yet … I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again though.

On the other hand, Alex just passed his ten week kidney-versary!!¬† His Creatinine numbers are now down to the 130’s/low 140’s and all his other numbers are really good too.¬† His Phosphorous level is low though, so he’s quite happy that I’m letting him drink a lot of Coke.¬† They keep playing with this Cyclosporin¬†levels and just increased it again to 175 mg/twice a day from 150 mg/twice a day.¬† He has another clinic appointment in another week or so and it’s time to talk about going back to work.¬† He thinks the Doctor will say “when do you want to go back” instead of finding out if he’s ready.¬† In my opinion he should work part-time¬†for a month before he goes back to work full-time.¬† He hasn’t worked full-time in a year, so it will be difficult for him.¬† I suggested doing the same schedule he had during Dialysis – work Monday, Wednesday and Fridays – that will give him a day off to rest in between.¬† He still tires pretty easily but his stamina is much better.¬† Once you go back to work, you’re back.¬† You can’t just try it out and decide after the fact that it’s too much.¬† We’ll see what happens.¬† We could certainly use the money though, we can’t do much with his being on a reduced salary, but it’s certainly better than nothing.

And Then….!

March 23, 2010 at 10:44 pm | Posted in Caityisms, Family Ties, Toeses and Noses | Leave a comment
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Caity has talked non-stop since she was 8 months old.¬† She’ll talk the ear off of a dead donkey.¬† Lately however she’s taken to story telling.¬† She’ll tell me about her day …

“…and den … we went outside!” she tells me excitedly.

“…and den … we went inside!” she gets more excited.

“…and den … we had cake!” she’s even more excited, practically jumping up and down in her car seat.

She.¬† Doesn’t.¬† Stop.¬† She’s very animated and each sentence begins with “And den (then)!”.¬† During the car ride home from the Sitters (which takes a whopping seven minutes), she will talk. Non-stop. The. Entire. Time.¬† I have to stop her when we pull in the driveway.¬† “Caity, we’re home now…”

“…and den …! oh….” she sounds dejected.

Poor Lexy can’t get a word in edge-wise.

She’s been a good girl and when we get home, she’ll pee on the toilet.¬†¬† She’ll even tell me when she has to go and usually now it’s before she actually goes.¬† “You happy wiff¬†me Momma?” she smiles while sitting on the potty, very proud of herself.¬† Everything revolves around whether or not I’m happy with her.¬† If I’m happy, she feels loved, wanted and that she’s been good.¬† If I’m mad “wiff” her, she feels unloved, sad and thinks that she was bad.¬† Little kids have either highs or lows, there’s never anything in between.¬†

When we first started training I told her that if she went pee, we’d sing and dance and play!¬† Doesn’t that sound like fun Caity!!¬† Yes Momma!!

Now she tells me while sitting on the potty, “we’ll sing and play and dance and eat cake!”

Not sure where she got the cake part from, but hey, whatever works.

At least she pees.

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